We made the decision today to tell Doug’s mother Kate and step-father John about our IVF journey. They live about 90 minutes away so we only see them once or twice a month (if that). We all get along well, but we’re not close. The distance kills off any chance at closeness I think. We go and stay with them every few months, they live by the beach and it’s nice to be able to relax there especially in the summer time. But they rarely make the journey in the opposite direction to visit us which bugs my husband a little I think.
Doug has never been very close to his mother, but he has relied on her in the past to help and guide him when he’s been down (particularly before we got married) so it made sense that he wanted to tell her. He can see how much easier my life has been since letting my own mother in on the secret, so I guess he wanted the same for himself.
Telling my mother was simple and painless. We’re very close, talk every day, see each other several times a week (my parents only live 10 minutes down the road from us) and she knows me inside and out. So I didn’t have to put on any pretenses, I just told her straight. She was ecstatic that we’re trying to have a family, and also understanding. But because she is so close to me she feels free to say whatever she wants and never holds back. I’m constantly bombarded with “my friend’s sister’s daughter’s hairdresser has gone through 11 rounds of IVF and now she has triplets!” or “I’ve knitted you a baby blanket for when your baby comes!” and sometimes I get sick and tired of listening to it all.
Kate is very different to my mother. She is trained in psychology and works in education. She is measured where my mother is emotional, rational where my mother is irrational and much more likely to do proper research into our treatments, rather than just gain a shonky understanding through gossip with friends.
I was super nervous telling her, so I practiced my speech beforehand (lame I know!) and gathered heaps of pamphlets on our treatment from the clinic to give to her so that she could study them. Then we invited them down to our place for lunch (something I think we’ve only done once in the 3 years we’ve been living here) so I’m sure they thought something was up.
We were all sitting around the table, having had our lunch, when I started with “we have something to tell you guys” and I could see their faces light up so I quickly followed it with “and no I’m not about to tell you we’re pregnant.” I thought it was best to just nip that in the bud haha.
All in all I think it went really well. They were supportive, not flummoxed, and very collected about the whole thing. Kate said she was looking forward to going home and doing research on how to best maximise our chances to get pregnant. She said all the right things, was sorry for the ordeal we’ve been going through but not melodramatic like my mother sometimes can be.
I know I’ll be able to rely on Kate for support as well as Mum now and that makes me feel better. I know it was a weight off Doug’s shoulders to let her in on our secret and he definitely thinks we’ve made the right decision.
In other news, I’ve been off the ralovera for 24 hours now. Hopefully my period will start tomorrow! Maybe by mid-week we’ll be in the full swing of IVF! So exciting!