IVF day 1

When you do Gonal-F injections it’s important to do them at the same time every day.

We chose 6.45pm because that’s a time when Doug and I are both home from work, but also almost always before we go out again in the evenings (Doug plays football some nights and I go to a personal trainer).

I was so excited and jumping out of my skin all day. Until Doug brought the epi-pen out of the fridge. Then I started to feel dizzy….

The clinic gave us an instructional dvd so we popped that into my laptop and sat down together on the couch to watch it. As the narrator talked through the steps, Doug followed along, put together the needle and prepared the medication by turning the correct number of “clicks” on the pen until the 100 dosage was showing. The instructions were to insert the needle, hold down the pen and then count to ten to ensure all of the medication made it out of the needle in time.

And then just like that it was injection time.

“Stand up.” Doug said. “I think this will be easier for me if I sit here on the couch and you stand in front of me.”

“Ok.” I agreed, standing where he instructed.

“Lift your shirt up.” he said, readying the needle.

“………no.”

“No?” he spluttered. “I can’t inject it through your shirt!”

Then suddenly I was panicking. “I CAN’T DO THIS DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS LET’S NOT HAVE CHILDREN I WANT TO GO LIE DOWN” I could see stars and feel my head spinning. The light was starting to dim and I was sure I was going to hit the floor at any moment.

Thankfully Doug had anticipated this reaction. “Ok ok let’s just stay calm.” he said, directing me to sit back down. “Tell me what you’re scared of.”

“You’re going to stab me!” I cried. “You’re going to hurt me!”

“I promise I won’t darling.” Doug soothed me. “How about you just sit here and keep your eyes closed and stay very still.”

He gave me a minute to catch my breath and stop my heart from pounding, then I slowly lifted up my shirt. My eyes were squeezed so tightly shut I’m surprised I didn’t burst a blood vessel.

“Ok count backwards from fifteen.” Doug suggested. “Once you’ve reached zero I’ll put the needle in.”

“Ok.” I sobbed. “Fifteen….fourteen….thirteen….twelve….ten….nine….eight….seven…six…five…four…”

“You can stop now.” Doug said, and I could hear the smirk in his voice.

I opened my eyes to stare at him. “Why?”

“Because I inserted the needle at fourteen and we’re all done here.” he laughed. “You didn’t even feel it go in!”

I felt like an idiot but I was extremely glad the needle wasn’t painful or traumatic. I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll feel brave enough to take some photos of the injection.

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