Finding Nemo

The two week wait is intense.

About 48 hours after transfer I started to feel ill and my temperature spiked. I started to panic at the fact I was running a fever. I was crampy, grumpy and emotional. There was a weird pulling sensation in my ovaries, particularly on my right hand side.

“Surely I can’t be getting my period already!” I sobbed to Doug.

I took a pregnancy test 3 days after transfer, and it was negative.

“Don’t do this to yourself,” Doug said. “It’s way too early to tell. Don’t be silly.”

But I couldn’t help myself. It was all I thought about all Easter long-weekend. It was almost too much for me to handle. I knew I was driving myself insane trying to spot symptoms. Every time my stomach grumbled, I panicked. Every time I got a cramp, I panicked. Every little headache, sore boob, mood swing and niggle suddenly meant something. I carried my phone around, constantly googling “is [insert symptom here] normal for pregnancy?”

I went and bought every brand of pregnancy test available at the chemist. I spent over $100 on pregnancy tests. The cashier who served me must have thought I was absolutely nuts!

I woke up this morning and felt a renewed sense of determination. Today is Easter Monday, but it’s also 5 days after transfer. I was extremely nervous. This was the day I expected I would be able to tell if I was pregnant, if my research about 6 day hatched blastocysts was correct.

Doug was still sleeping as I snuck off to the bathroom at about 6am. I’ve taken to drinking lots of water before bed so I have lots of concentrated first morning urine, and I wasn’t able to hold on any longer without giving myself a bladder infection.

I decided this morning to try out my new Clear Blue digital. It not only tells you if you’re pregnant, it can also predict how many weeks post conception you are (there is debate about the accuracy of the conception indicator, but not the accuracy of the pregnancy test).

I held the absorbent tip between my legs for the right amount of time, replaced the cap and then placed it on the floor in front of me. A little egg timer symbol flashed up as the test read my pee sample. The egg timer appeared quickly, then disappeared again. It was monotonous. I was nervous. I looked at my hands to try and take my mind off it, but I could still see the flashing in my peripheral vision.

That flashing meant the test was thinking.

Flash…thinking….flash…thinking….flash…thinking….flash….thinking…..flash….thinking.

Then suddenly no flashing. The flashing had stopped. The test was no longer thinking.

I quickly flicked my eyes back up to read the screen.

First positive test

Pregnant. 1-2.

PREGNANT.

PREGNANT.

PREGNANT.

PREGNANT.

OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM PREGNANT.

I raced into the bedroom and threw myself on the bed, waking Doug up. I pushed the test onto his pillow so it was right in front of his eyes. He snatched it up and brought it really close to his face, so he could read it in his sleep induced haze. Then he broke out in a huge grin, grabbed me and wrapped me up in his arms.

“Good job Mummy!” he said.

I am pregnant. I am pregnant. I am pregnant. I am pregnant.

This is the greatest day of my life.

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