Falling in love

It’s been an awesome week.

I started my new job. My new team seems lovely and the work is very interesting. It’s actually sad that I won’t be able to spend too long working with them. Nemo’s due date will be 11 December, so I’ll only be here for 7 or 8 months.

It’s taken everything I have not to tell anyone I’m pregnant. We’ve decided not to tell anyone, except my mother and brother. Doug thinks it’s a good idea I’ve told them because he needs some help supporting me haha. Apparently I’m a bit of a crazy girl at the moment and my mother and brother are taking the pressure off my husband!

When I told my brother Alex I did so via text message, because he lives over 1000km away and works in a busy hospital. He immediately texted back “it’s a girl.” Just those three words.

About twelve hours later, I was talking on the phone to my mother and she said “you know I reckon it’ll be a little girl with strawberry blonde hair.” How weird is that!

Then again, how weird is it that my family are imagining at all whether the life growing inside me is a boy or a girl. I don’t really care of course! This child is so longed for, so badly wanted, it means nothing whether it’s a boy or a girl. But I could imagine myself as a mum to a little girl….

I’ve also taken a few more pregnancy tests, you know, just to make sure!



For some reason they don’t show up very well on the blog, but yep those are positives! The little pink line is getting thicker, darker and showing up faster as the level of pregnancy hormone in my urine increases. As my baby grows inside me.

One of the clinic nurses phoned the other day to see how I’m doing. I confessed I’d taken a home pregnancy test before the beta date and she started yelling at me on the phone. “We told you not to do that! Now what are we supposed to do?”

It made me feel embarrassed and like I was being scolded by a teacher. But I’m not a school girl anymore. I’m a woman and I’m in charge of my own body. If I want to do a pregnancy test I’ll do a damn pregnancy test. Nobody controls my body except me. It was ludicrous and I was so angry about it after I hung up. Angry at her for screaming at me, and also angry at myself for being too shocked to call her on her unacceptable behaviour.

We definitely won’t be going back to this clinic again or our current doctor. When we go back for a second child we’ll certainly choose a new clinic to have treatment.

I have to travel to Sydney for university at the end of next week. I’m a bit worried about going on the plane at just past 5 weeks pregnant, but I’m sure it will be fine. Women fly all the time at 5 weeks, without even knowing they are pregnant.

Besides, my little Nemo is a fighter. Of the millions of eggs in my ovaries, 34 were collected. 19 were mature, 11 were fertilised. Four made it to the sixth day in the incubator, but only one made it to freeze. And that one little miracle is inside me right now. Soon a little heart will start beating. My Nemo will be ok. We will look out for each other today, tomorrow, next week and every week for the rest of our lives.


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