Step one complete

I just swallowed the last ralovera tablet in the course. Nothing to do but wait now!

I grappled all week with this weird idea that I wasn’t going to take the final tablet. For some reason I was determined that my body would “know what to do” on it’s own, and wouldn’t need that last push in the right direction. Of course it was silly. I’m medically infertile and I need science to intervene and help me otherwise I’ll never be a mother. I took the tablet before my stupid mind could put up any more of an argument.

Last time I used ralovera to instigate a bleed there was a five day gap. It was five days of me going insane, pulling my hair out from constant worry, going to the bathroom at work every half an hour desperate to see blood in my underwear. Doug said I acted like a crazy person.

This time I’m going to stay cool and calm. I understand that this will happen for me. My body sometimes takes longer to react to ralovera than it should. My body is slow to react to a lot of things – I didn’t even have my last egg pick-up until the 18th day of my cycle. My body does things in it’s own sweet time.

Once I start to bleed I will head back to the fertility clinic and pick up my medication pack. I think I’m being put onto a whole different regime of hormones this time to try and stop me from hyperstimulating again. This is all very exciting. Progress is always exciting.

Doug and I have both confessed to each other that we believe this cycle won’t work. Doctor B is being very, very cautious to stop me from getting sick with OHSS and neither of us are confident we’ll even get to egg pick-up this time. We’re also worried that we’re going to start running out of money to fund this little venture soon. We saved up for a house deposit, but we’ve spent most of it on IVF and associated fertility treatment now. We already own a small inner city two bedroom apartment so we certainly won’t become homeless any time soon, but it’s always been our plan to move to a bigger house in the suburbs before our first child comes along. Hopefully if I get pregnant we’ll still have the funds to do that. Hopefully we have the funds to get me pregnant. That’s the main thing.

For now, I’m just going to try and relax and wait for my period to come on. I’m going to walk the dog, watch movies, clean the house and maybe even do some cooking. We’ll see.

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