I’m up at the hospital. I’m due to get my first scan at the fertility clinic in half an hour, but I was nervous so I drove here really early. I got barely any sleep last night and I feel like I’m running on fumes. I always sleep poorly when Doug isn’t at home, even if I snuggle up with our poodle instead.
I’ve been stimming for eight days now. At this point in my last cycle, my ovaries hadn’t responded at all. I’m worried Doctor B is going to tell me we have to cancel the cycle. That would be a very heavy blow. I’m also anxious about telling her we need to use frozen sperm, given her previous aversion to using it. I really wish Doug was here.
I’ve really been struggling the last few days. One of the symptoms I’ve experienced this cycle that I haven’t during past cycles is memory loss. It’s affected me so badly I ended up making a pretty big mistake at work and publishing an embargoed media release. I had forgotten it was embargoed, and still have no memory of publishing it. Luckily it was picked up pretty quickly and fixed before it caused any damage, but unfortunately it was picked up by my boss’s boss. So I ended up in big trouble.
I’m not the kind of person who makes mistakes at work. I’m reliable, trustworthy and high achieving. I’ve certainly never been in trouble at work before. It sent me into an immediate and deep depression. I was called into my boss’s office to explain why I had done something so stupid and ended up blurting out the truth about my fertility treatment. It felt good to admit what has been causing me problems, and my boss was certainly very understanding. It helped that she has young children and has a close friend currently going through IVF. But it’s still tense at work and my boss’s boss is still upset with me.
I’ll update properly on my memory loss, and the fact I’ve finally caved and agreed to see a counsellor, after my scan is finished. I’m too nervous to write too much at the moment. And yes, I know it’s stupid to be nervous about the first scan of the cycle. Especially given everything from this point onwards only gets more tense! But I’m struggling to control my emotions this morning (and every morning). Ah the joys of hormone injections.
And it looks like my morning isn’t getting any easier either. I’ve just been asked for all my signed consent forms. But guess what? I’ve forgotten to bring them! Of course I have! Space Cadet Sadie. Grrrr so grumpy at myself!
Wish me luck, I think I’m going to need it this morning…