Waiting for the WTF appointment

I called my doctor’s clinic this morning to book in my post IVF cycle “WTF” appointment.

The receptionist couldn’t fit me in until the end of next week, and only at the super inconvenient time of 3pm. It means I will have to leave work at 2pm, which in turn means my boss will once again be cranky at me. I was quite unimpressed by this, as I have discussed with my doctor on more than one occasion the need for my appointments to be scheduled before work, and she has enthusastically agreed.

You see, when I took my job at the start of the year it was sold to me as a 12 month promotion contract at a higher salary, and a 99% chance at the end of the year that my promotion would be made permanent. Everyone at my workplace was super receptive to me staying on in my current role…until I told them I was doing IVF. Then the bosses started having meetings about the fact I was taking too much sick leave, and grumbling when I came in late or left early. Never mind that my day-to-day work was being completed to a high standard !Then the bosses informed me that my promotion would not extend to next year as originally planned. Surprise surprise! So at the end of the year I must return to my lower paid job (with the same employer) which is less busy, less interesting and less responsibility.

When I informed my doctor of these happenings she was outraged and insisted it was illegal for employers to discriminate against employees for being sick or seeking medical treatment. Of course she was right, but there’s no way the discrimination can be proven. The doctor insisted she could always see me first up in the morning, so I could still make it to work on time. It was a solution that has been working well for the past few months. Until today.

Upon hearing the only time the doctor could fit me in was 3pm, I explained the circumstances and once again asked the receptionist if there were any time slots available before work.

“No sorry,” she replied, thoroughly bored. “As I said, all the early appointments are taken for the next two weeks and then the doctor is on holidays.”

Ok, just hold up a minute here! My doctor is going on a holiday? Another holiday? Is this some kind of joke???

Dear readers, you may or may not remember that my last fresh cycle was delayed 5 weeks because my doctor went on a vacation for the entire month of September. And the fresh cycle prior was also delayed by 6 weeks because she went on vacation for the entire month of June and part of July.

This doctor makes it really friggen hard to like her. She doesn’t allow me to be treated by her substitute doctors when she is on leave because my case is “too sensitive and unique” given the number of factors causing my infertility and my history of OHSS. That means when she goes away my treatment stops. And she is ALWAYS bloody away. I’ve never known a doctor to take so many vacations. What a nice life she must have! She’s only at work two thirds of the year! So while she and her family enjoy European jaunts and cocktails on the beach, I’m stuck at home in my miserable barren rut, cursing the world. That hardly seems fair, does it?

Maybe I should just try to be more patient. I know that many infertiles have to wait years and years before they even start IVF. I know I’ve only been trying to conceive for two and a half years. But I’m 27 and a half now, and I’m still on track for a full hysterectomy by the age of 30. I may be young but the clock is seriously ticking for me. I don’t want to waste precious weeks or months when I could be working on having a child, simply because my doctor spends more time than anyone else I’ve ever met in my entire life taking vacations.

But what are we supposed to do? Change specialists again? That takes time and costs a lot of money. I need to choose a new doctor, get a referral, wait months for an initial appointment, pay all the exorbitant fees that come with starting fertility treatment at a new clinic, have all the same tests done, and go through my history all over again. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

At least for now I am coping ok mentally. My husband Doug, on the other hand, isn’t doing as well. After our last chemical pregnancy I was a mess and he held it together really well, but this time it’s the opposite. He came home from work last night looking pale and distressed. He told me he couldn’t believe this was happening to us again, and his eyes were red rimmed and glistening as he confessed he was shattered. I am hoping a good night’s sleep last night will have him feeling more like himself. I know the only way we will get through this is together.

As of this morning, my bleeding has turned from brown to red, but it’s still fairly light. I did pass a couple of massive clots this morning (I’m talking the size of my fist or bigger) so I’m hoping the bleeding ramps up a bit and soon this will all be over.

While I can’t do anything to speed up my doctor, I can work on losing weight. At the moment I’m 76kg (167 pounds) which is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my whole life. Prior to IVF and OHSS my weight was 63-65kg (around 140 pounds). I’m realistic and know I’m not going to get back to my original weight anytime soon, but I’d like to see myself drop down below the 70kg mark. I think that will give me a better chance when my one and only frozen embryo is transferred. Plus, I think health and fitness will be a good way to refocus my energy and try to alleviate my depression and anxiety.

Last time I tried to lose weight I had absolutely no luck. I ate healthy and exercised regularly but didn’t even drop 100 grams in 3 weeks. Do any of the PCOS ladies out there have any great tips for shifting the weight? I would be super grateful for any advice!!


9 thoughts on “Waiting for the WTF appointment

  1. It must totally break your heart that your husband is taking it hard. I read that part and my heart broke for you both. On top of all you’re dealing with you have a doctor that’s not even working! I do not know any other doctors that take that much time off! So sorry you have that to go through too! I was also bummed to read about your boss. 😦 As far as weight loss goes, the only thing that is working for me is the purchase of my heart rate monitor that counts calories. Then I know if I’m really exercising hard enough. It ends up being about 1 hour, 4x a week- which is a ton of work for little payoff! Damn PCOS! I think it will give you something to focus on and it’s made me a little less depressed. Good luck with your weight loss!

  2. I can’t believe your job is f-ing you over like that. Well actually, I can believe it, but it really sucks. I’m so sorry :(.

    I don’t have PCOS, but I definitely have grumpy metabolism. The only thing that works for me is really gradual weight loss. I don’t work super duper hard (because then I get frustrated and lose motivaion), so I aim for losing a pound every two weeks or so and it eventually works. Takes forever, but its sustainable at least.

    • I can’t believe my job is doing this to me either, especially because I work for a large “employer of choice” organisation, which means they’re supposed to be SUPER supportive to people with disabilities, illnesses, pregnancies etc instead of discriminatory. The worst part is the fact there’s no real indication that I’ll ever actually end up having a child. They’re taking my promotion away because they assume IVF is a magic bullet to pregnancy and I’ll just go on maternity leave and they’ll be screwed, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Grrrrr!

  3. When I was diagnosed with PCOS back in September 2012, I was told to go on a low carb diet. That worked for me for a few months, but then I plateaued with my weight loss. I found out about the Low Amylose Diet through a Youtube video and have been following that for the last 2ish months and have lost another 10 pounds. Here’s my blog post explaining what it is: http://msbabymakin.blogspot.com/2013/09/low-amylose-diet-discovery.html. It’s hard, and a pain in the butt, but my body (and it seems a lot of women who have PCOS) really responds to it.

      • I won’t lie, it’s hard. I’ve been doing baby steps, cutting out sugar one meal at a time. Dinners are still difficult for us, but I feel like I have breakfast and lunch pretty much down.

  4. Pingback: A summary of my 4th IVF cycle (part one) | Young yet infertile

  5. Pingback: A boring summary of my 4th IVF cycle (part one) | Young yet infertile

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