A twist in the plot

And my hcg levels have risen to 25. This time last week they were 35, but by the start of this week they had dropped to 18. Now they’re slightly back up.

I actually had to phone the nurse this morning to get my results. She seemed quite flustered when I said I was waiting for results from yesterday, and it occured to us both that I had been forgotten about. I hadn’t really given it any thought, or lost any sleep over the result because I was extremely confident I would get a number less than 5. But it still feels a little bit shit to know that I was once again overlooked.

Obviously 25miu/ml of hcg is not a viable level at 5 weeks, 2 days and more importantly I’ve had a full period. Granted the period was extremely light by my usual standards, but the blood was bright red. Red blood and ongoing pregnancy don’t mix.

“Sadie,” the nurse said sombrely. “I need you to know this pregnant has still failed.”

For a moment I couldn’t understand why she felt the need to say such a thing. I can’t imagine what it must be like for some women to get this kind of result. Women who have less support from medical staff, and who don’t have the opportunity to research widely. They would get that tingle of nervous energy that starts in your stomach and then zips up your spine and spreads across your whole body. They would start to smile, and gush and get excited. They would have hope.

Absolutely none of those things happened to me. I remained completely calm and collected. I knew immediately that my latest result had lumped me into a high risk category for tubal pregnancy, though the nurse did also spell it out for me.

“I’ve been getting bad pains on my right side.” was my carefully considered response. “Pain in my ovaries isn’t unusual when I get my period, because my cysts sometimes react badly to the hormone dump. But this pain has been quite isolated to my right side.”

“Ohhhh.” the nurse mumbed, and I could hear her shuffling papers. “This probably isn’t good. I’m going to have to contact the doctor immediately.”

“I have an appointment with Doctor B already scheduled for next Thursday afternoon.” I said.

“We may need you to come in sooner.” she quickly answered.

So she’s checking with the doctor now and she’s going to phone me back soon. I’m pretty sure this time I won’t be forgotten.

I can’t stop thinking about the day I found out my left Fallopian tube was partially blocked, and my right was completely blocked from endometriosis and scarring. My instinctive reaction was to request the right tube be removed. But apparently that’s not the done thing, even though the doctor warned I was at an increased risk of ectopic pregnancy.

I thought I was being pretty logical. If my tube was so badly blocked and it could never be unblocked, then it made sense to just get rid of it. Otherwise it was just going to sit there in my body like a surreptitious Venus Fly Trap, luring in my innocent little embryos then quickly snapping shut and gobbling them up.

It’s extremely common for IVF embryos to wander into the tubes, then back into the uterus in the hours and days before implantation. Especially day 3 embryos, because they don’t implant until day 6 or 7 so they have plenty of time to see the sights of my reproductive system. And I knew if my little ones drifted into a blocked tube they would almost certainly become stuck.

Of course there’s no guarantee that I am currently going through an ectopic pregnancy, and I probably won’t find out until next week. But just the fact that I’m now in a high risk category makes me angry. I want this tube gone. I want it gone before I have any more embryos transferred. I don’t want to have to stress about this any more!

Seriously. Why don’t doctors ever listen to me???

I should be a doctor! My nurses at the clinic already joke that I’m by far the most knowledgeable patient they’ve ever treated, and my husband complained recently that he can’t fill my mind with hope when I’ve researched everything so thoroughly and have a scientific answer for why hope almost always doesn’t exist. If only I didn’t faint at the sight of blood. That probably rules me out from attending doctor school, huh?

I’ll keep you guys updated when I have more news.


9 thoughts on “A twist in the plot

  1. I hope it’s not an ectopic too. My Dr was worried about that as well and instead of removing my tubes he inserted the Essure device to block my tubes. I’m going through IVF right now, on stims, so I’ll update once I’m through the process. Good luck to you and hope all improves for you very soon.

  2. i`m sorry this is happening. i`ve been through 2 ectopics and 2 surgeries to remove both tubes. i REALLY hope this is not the case for you, but if you have questions i`m here to try and help you out.

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