Somebody help me, I’m being spontaneous!

After posting just yesterday that I haven’t had a spontaneous menstrual period in 2 years and I need to remain period free until 7 January 2014 to begin my next IVF cycle, I woke up this morning with agonising period cramps and I’ve just started spotting. It’s the kind of spotting I always get 12 hours or so before my period properly begins.

I am now at the point where I’m half convinced that I’m the star of some kind of Truman Show type reality television series and a bunch of Ed Harris-esque producers on the moon are simply fucking with me to increase the ratings. There’s no other plausible explanation for why my life is so complicated.

I can’t have my period again. I just can’t.

This is just ridiculous. I’ve gone from never
having my period to having my period pretty much all the damn time.

I had my period twice in the weeks leading up to my most recent IVF cycle. I bled for 7 days, then went onto birth control for 14 days, then bled for another 9 days. That in itself was exhausting enough, especially when mixed with the FSH injections.

I first started bleeding again on 3 November, a few days after my positive beta. At that stage we thought it was a regular old chemical pregnancy. I bled until 11 November and assumed it was all over and done with.

But surprise surprise! My hcg levels kept rising and then I started bleeding again. I bled from 14 November through to 25 November, with my period finally ending a few days after I was given the methotrexate injection to end my “pregnancy of unknown location.”

I had bled for 18 of the first 25 days of November. I was…tired.

Right after the bleeding stopped I noticed I had heaps of egg white cervical mucus. Because I don’t ovulate without medical intervention (hence the reason I don’t have periods) I am not used to seeing much egg white cervical mucus at all. I also experienced nausea, and pronounced cramping on my right side. When I mentioned it to the nurse she assured me I was noticing left-over symptoms from the IVF and ectopic pregnancy. But now just over a week later I am suddenly bleeding again?!

Surely I couldn’t have ovulated the day I finished my second period? I never ovulate! And I know my luteal phase has proven itself to be only 10 days long, but this would shorten it to only 7 or 8 days. I don’t want to have to worry that my luteal phase is becoming more and more demented.

I keep thinking about that scene in the movie when Truman is in the car with his wife and he screams out “Somebody help me, I’m being spontaneous!”

That’s me. I am being spontaneous. Except I’m not trying to escape from a giant dome shaped construct that acts as a television sound stage. It’s my body that’s gone off the rails and is letting loose.

There’s a party in my reproductive system and ain’t no embryos invited!

Will someone please inform my crazy body that I don’t want another period! I don’t even know if this is actually a period. It could just be a continuation of the giant period I suffered through in November. Who the hell even knows!

Maybe my body is making up for lost time and I’ll just always have my period from now on. That sounds fun. That sounds exactly like something that would happen to me.

To my uterus I say bad job. Bad, bad job!

To all the rest of you I say good morning. And in case I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening and good night.

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3 thoughts on “Somebody help me, I’m being spontaneous!

  1. *Cringe* Yeah…I hate to tell you this but it sounds like you’re getting your period. And I have no magical powers to stop it for you, cuz really, if I had magical powers I’d just get you pregnant and you’d never have to worry about ttc or miscarriage ever again. But alas, I hope the witch stays away from you! XO

  2. I hear you on this one! I thought about your ‘truman show’ analogy today after I had a crappy appointment. Though it does seem to me that you just might be the main character. 😦 I’m hoping AF doesn’t actually show for you.

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