If you exclude the few days of sweet respite in between each episode of bleeding, I am currently on day 24 of my period.
If you count the few days in between, when I was tired and hormonal but not actually bleeding, it’s been over 30 days. A month of fun for the whole family!
I said a month of fun, so you’d better be having fun or else. No I am not a hormonal bitch right now. STOP LOOKING AT ME!
“Surely this bleedapalooza must be coming to an end?” I hear you ask, as you cower away from your computer screens.
Well actually, now that you mention it, no it is not. Not by a long shot.
I’ve been experiencing severe cramping all morning and the surf is definitely up. You could even say the primary swell has tripled since I woke up this morning. It’s a tidal wave and I fear it will soon be a tsunami.
I can hardly walk the pain is so bad, even though I’ve got a heat pad across my abdomen and I’ve taken strong painkillers.
I mean yikes. At some stage my reproductive system is going to run out of lining to shed, isn’t it? Isn’t it? I can’t just keep bleeding indefinitely, can I?
My uterus must be empty by now. I know my adenomyosis and endometriosis are also playing a part here, but I’ve coasted past my previous menstruation record of 18 days (though to be fair, I did bleed for 18 days straight on that occasion and this time I’ve had two short breaks).
I have no idea when this is going to end but I hope it will be soon. Otherwise I imagine I will end up looking like a shrivelled prune, drained of all my life force, not unlike Steven Tyler. Maybe this is what happened to him too. You never know.
In terms of my anxiety I’m doing a lot better, even though I’ve had a few touch and go moments that I’d really like to write about when I’m feeling a bit healthier.
I still have moments of clarity where I feel mostly normal, and moments of deep sadness and stricken panic.
I am going to see my GP and my therapist in a couple of weeks time and I guess we will look at the best way to treat my mental health moving forward and keep me sane during my next IVF cycle in January.
In the meantime I’ll be sure to let y’all know if and when I eventually run out of blood.