Just adorable

This morning I re-activated my Facebook account, after almost 2 months away from the site.

I got rid of my account after the birth of my niece. I was jealous and bitter and depressed and devastated for myself, because she was due 4 weeks before my Nemo. Suddenly I just couldn’t deal with the endless baby bump photos, pregnancy announcements, and constant stream of baby pictures on my newsfeed anymore. I needed a time-out to save my own sanity.

But today I felt like I was ready. I felt like my anxiety had stabilised, and I was prepared to deal with whatever was waiting for me on the other side of the sign-in screen.

Plus, I figured I would have to get used to looking at my new niece’s face because my sister-in-law and her family are headed our way as of tomorrow to celebrate Christmas with the family. Thankfully they’ve rented their own house nearby instead of crashing at our place like they normally do. This is probably because our renovations are ongoing, but it suits me fine because I won’t be kept awake at night listening to a newborn crying in the next bedroom over. That would have been a cruel Christmas joke.

Nonetheless, the baby will be around whether I like it or not and I don’t want to be so awful that I panic in front of my in-laws. I want to be able to hold the baby without crying. I want to be able to bond with her, and let her bond with me. I love my older niece so much and I really want that with my younger niece too. I want to be a good aunt.

So I logged into Facebook, after all this time away, to future-proof my heart, and acquaint myself with my niece.

And there it was at the top of my newsfeed. A post by that same friend I hid from in the supermarket carpark a few weeks ago (which I wrote about here). A picture. No accompanying description, just an image that contained four words.

ImageYou make adorable babies? You make adorable babies? Well congratulations! Do you want a medal? Do you think you have somehow accomplished something amazing? Do you think you consciously caused your baby to be adorable? No offence but all you did was lie on your back with your legs in the air. That’s how your baby was made. Whoop-dee-doo!

Try making a baby the way I’ve got to make babies and see how you like it. Have a crack at multiple surgeries, invasive tests, medications that make you sick, weight gain, hair loss, memory loss, acne, mood swings, panic attacks, accupuncture, chinese herbs, migraines, hundreds of blood draws, a daily injection regime, bloating and swelling, cramping, never-ending bleeding, egg pick-ups, nervous waits, embryo transfers, progesterone suppositories, pregnancy losses, and cold, clinical evaluations of your failures. And don’t forget to fork out your life savings for the pleasure.

Now I am just angry! I’m grumpy and sour-faced and so peeved at myself for logging onto that horrid website.

See how bitter I am right now? I’m angry because someone is happy that they have an adorable baby. That’s not very fair. Everyone thinks their own children are adorable. Everyone has a right to proclaim that their kids are beautiful. I feel bad for ranting about my friend, and she doesn’t even know I’ve ranted about her. The problem does not lie with her, the problem lies with myself and my inability to cope with a newsfeed filled with happy baby bragging.

Screw Facebook. Seriously. Nothing good ever comes from that place.

Ain’t no infertiles got time for that.

Goodbye again Facebook. I hope I’ve learned my lesson now and I won’t revisit you for a very very long time.

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17 thoughts on “Just adorable

  1. aww I’m sorry :/ But just think of it this way…maybe it is a sign from God that the first thing you saw when you logged in was reassurance that you WILL make beautiful babies. There is power in our tongue (proverbs 18:21) so even though you have no “proof” right now, keep saying out loud and to yourself…”I make beautiful babies!”…You can’t prove it right this moment, but you will and He will help you. hugs to you girlie! I’m so sorry again!

  2. Oh that happened to me- well not that exactly- but similar. I thought I could handle it and I left feeling so defeated. Only to deactivate my account again. I don’t think I can ever go back to fb. So sorry you have to deal with all of this.

    • I love the concept of facebook because it allows me to connect with friends and family interstate, but it’s just too much for me to deal with and my emotional state is too fragile. I don’t know if I’ll go back again, but definitely not for a long time.

  3. Seriously…so many new pregnancies, from so many who already have some little ones. It is the worst feeling ever to see couples who have been married for less time than us but are know expecting their second and third children. Sucks some giant ones. I just happened upon your blog and this post definitely hit home for me. I am so sorry for all you have been through.

    • Hey thanks for stopping by my blog! It’s such a bittersweet feeling for me because I am happy for my fertile friends, but every new pregnancy announcement is like more salt in my infertility wounds. Sometimes it’s all just too hard to deal with. No more Facebook for me!

  4. I laughed through my tears while reading your post – I completely identify with your feelings. I left FB after my recent failed IVF b/c I was so tired and hurt from seeing all the baby bump photos, pregnancy announcements, newborn updates, etc. I’ve been ttc for 6 years and needed a break from all that pain. I just signed back on last week just to post stuff from my blog but I honestly don’t read anything in my feed anymore. I can also admit to ducking from new moms while out in public. I am so sorry for all the heartache you’ve been through and I wish you luck.

    • Thanks for visiting my blog! Sometimes I think I could go back to FB and just block all my pregnant/mummy friends from my newsfeed but it won’t stop the unexpected pregnancy announcements. They sometimes pop up from the most unexpected friends. I just started reading your blog some of those recipes look amazing I can’t wait to try them!!

      • Thank you for checking out my blog and I’m glad you saw some recipes that looked good. Btw, I just got a Christmas card/pregnancy announcement yesterday – ahhhhh! No escaping it 😉

  5. *Hugs* I’ve banished a lot of people from my newsfeed–anybody who clutters it with BS (cartoons, pics, politics, etc.) and of course anyone who clutters with their children. My most recent favorite offense was by a girl who was president of our highschool class, married a doctor, got pregnant on her honeymoon–with identical twin boys who she dresses in matching outfits. The straw was her fb post “…remodeling because they’re climbing now…the Restoration Hardware crib is broken!” I’d had enough. XO

    • Ugh your friend sounds horrid I have a few extremely fertile friends who brag up to a dozen times DAILY about their kids on FB. I don’t know how they have time for anything else in the day (they probz get their maid to do everything for them…) Right before I deactivated my account one of my friends posted over 200 photos of herself giving birth and then proudly holding her new baby. Why would any brand new mum have time to edit over 200 photos?!?

  6. I think there’s an image somewhere on the web, saying “congratulations for making a human being with your genitals”. Could be a nice answer. Or just “adorable? Really? ahaha. Oh, you’re serious. huh”…

  7. you can always count on a FB baby post at the exact wrong moment. it’s like a MTV Teen Mom marathon running after you’ve just lost a baby. (this has happened to me TWICE!). it’s hard. you’re good for staying away. i could never do it. i still love FB hahaha. try to enjoy your christmas with your nieces. instead of letting them be a source of pain, let them be a source of joy! everyone has their own struggle with this part, but in my experience, flipping the pain to joy is a way better way to live. i look at it like i have 5 nieces! i am so lucky to get that much love from so many little ones. my biggest hope for you is that you find peace sweetie. it’s a bitch trying to find it, but it will come, and i hope that for you.

  8. OMG is she serious!? That is so offensive. Hun you have every right to feel as enraged as you do because bloody hell you have been through so much shit! This is NOT fair! Screw Facebook – I deactivated about 8 months ago and never looked back – and screw people with their easy peasy perfect pregnancies! Geesh! Hugs xx

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