He told me that my infertility has ruined his life, and he left me.
He said he was going away for a few days to give me a break from his constant depression. The depression that has consumed him since we lost our last baby.
But now, more than a week later, he informs me over the phone that he can’t come back because he can’t return to the infertility and IVF and miscarriages. He’s done. He’s reached his quota. He is bowing out.
He told me he will always love me, that I’m his best friend and he really did want us to grow old together, but he can’t ever deal with fertility treatment again. He said he can’t live a life without children, and he knows I can’t either. So we are no longer able to be together.
I haven’t eaten or slept in a week. As if infertility, 8 cycles of IVF and three pregnancy losses weren’t enough punishment. Now my fucking awful reproductive system has cost me happiness with the only man I have ever loved.
When I lie awake at night I find myself hoping a violent burglar will break into our house and murder me. I am all alone here and maybe no one would even find my body for days. I imagine my bruised and bloodied body slowly decomposing on the kitchen tiles.
Why is this happening to me? Oh God why is this happening to me? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
My heart is shattered.
My dreams are crushed.
I don’t know what else to say.