My twisted nightmare

It’s Saturday night.

Where is my husband?

Is he headed out to a club tonight with his mates? Is he living up the single life?

I logged into our bank account today and noticed that the day after he left me he joined a new gym on the other side of the city. That’s not something you do when you’re devastated and grieving. That’s something you do when you’re ready to move on with your life.

Is he going to go to a bar tonight? Is he going to get drunk? Is he going to meet a pretty girl and offer to buy her a drink?

Will he make her laugh and then put his hand on her shoulder to pull her closer?

While I lie in our bed, immersed in the sheets that really don’t even smell like him anymore, will he take this woman to his new bed?

Will he kiss her mouth and love the taste of someone new? Will he feel liberated when he is inside her? Will I be a distant memory, or will he be pleased with how much better sex is with her? Will he be thinking that he should have tried an upgraded model years ago?

I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t shake this nightmare. I can’t believe this scenario is even a possibility. But I know that it is.

Especially because the friend he is currently living with split from his fiance recently, and then immediately went out and slept with someone else to shake off the last remnants of his relationship. What if he has encouraged my husband to do the same?

I feel sick to my stomach.

Where is my husband? And more importantly how can I live the rest of my life knowing that his whereabouts aren’t my business anymore?


2 thoughts on “My twisted nightmare

  1. Oh sweetie, he is an ass! I am happy that you are surrounded by family. IF is a hard road for us all but you are getting the rotten end of it right now. But you are strong and IF has made you strong…look at all that you have come through. The thing that you need to remember is that IF does not define you (that is what I am working on) and it is the hardest thing for me right now. Big hugs.

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