I’m pretty sure I’m in the early stages of labour at the moment. I’m actually pretty stressed out about it.
My contractions aren’t regular yet but coming more frequently (at the moment 2 or 3 an hour) and it doesn’t look like I will make it to my scheduled c-section day.
As you know I’ve been miserable for weeks about the fact I need a c-section and have only just fully come to terms with it in the last couple of days.
Well…my aunt has just phoned my mother and gone off like a crazy person because apparently I’m an idiot for scheduling a c-section. I was sitting next to my mother and heard the whole thing.
Apparently I’ve done the wrong thing and made the wrong decision.
She reckons babies turn when they’re ready. And if they don’t turn then midwives just manually turn them.
My aunt is a scientist. She does not work in the field of obstetrics or midwifery but she seems to think being a scientist makes her an expert in everything.
According to her doctors “trick” weak minded women into c-sections because it’s just easy and convenient for them. Plus they earn more money from c-sections. I’m basically being conned.
Even when Mum explained my baby is too big to manually turn and the doctor said she is stuck where she is, my aunt rubbished her.
Mum explained the doctor estimated the chance of the ECV working was less than the chance of sending the baby into distress but my aunt insisted the baby is turnable.
Even when Mum explained my baby is footling breech and if I go into labour and birth naturally the baby can’t be born safely because her legs are totally split, my aunt said the doctor was lying to me about the position of my baby to get his own way.
Every single time Mum tried to explain that I was having a c-section for the safety of the baby, my aunt refuted that and said the c-section was just my choice but I was making the wrong choice.
I didn’t want this. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t want my baby to be breech.
I wanted a natural damn water birth!
She has made me feel like a terrible mother now. Like I’m doing all this for nothing.
I know she is wrong. At least I think she is? I have seen ultrasound evidence that my baby is footling breech. I have watched my doctor unsuccessfully try to manipulate my baby’s head away from my lungs. I know he isn’t lying to me.
But I am physically in pain and I’m so tired and stressed and hormonal and now I’m questioning every decision I have made.
I DON’T NEED TO DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW.
I never asked them to try to manually turn my baby because the doctor said it wasn’t going to work. Should I have just insisted upon it??
I am now going to have this c-section knowing there are people in my family who think I’ve made the wrong decision and I’m just having a c-section for convenience.
I feel friggen awful. I just want to cry.
Why why why why why can’t my life ever just go smoothly??
My mum reckons that my aunt’s anger actually stems from an incident on the weekend involving my cousin (my aunt’s daughter).
My cousin contacted me and said she wanted to know the date of my c-section so she could take some time off work to come stay with me. Never mind that I’d never invited her to do this…
I kindly explained that I was keeping the date a secret so I could have some time (meaning…24 hours, not a few weeks) to get to know the baby before I was bombarded with well wishers and visitors.
Further, I explained James would be with me for the first few days and so perhaps it would be best if she held off on visiting for a short period of time until James had gone home (because the two of them don’t get along and frankly I don’t need that stress when I’ve got a newborn).
Well she was furious. She basically said she had more rights to see the baby than James did and even if he was there he could just “sit in the corner and change dirty nappies” whilst she and I were with the baby.
I told her no. I explained that no matter what anyone’s opinion of James is, he does have a right to spend a few days bonding with his daughter. So I wouldn’t be pushing him into a corner.
This was exasperated by a previous disagreement I had with my cousin a few weeks ago because she wanted to be in the delivery room instead of James. Once again she believed she had more of a right to be there than he did.
I understand she doesn’t like him. Hell, nobody in my family likes him. Most of the time I don’t like him! So I get it, I do.
But this is my baby and my birth. It should be up to me who is there with me, and I shouldn’t be dictated to by my 23 year old cousin. I shouldn’t be dictated to by anybody right now.
So now she is angry as hell and she’s not talking to me. And apparently now her mother thinks I’m an idiot for having a c-section.
Honestly when did my family become so dysfunctional?? My family has always been so middle class and normal and well…boring.
But isn’t this delightful!!
Anyone else wanna jump in and have a go at me??
Early labour is the perfect time for everyone to air their dirty laundry right?
Meanwhile, James came up to Paradise on the weekend to take me out to lunch for mothers day. He was very lovely and supportive and took me to a nice restaurant.
Then he let me go to a jewelry store and pick out a new necklace for my birthday which is coming up next week.
It was in no way extravagant, it was a heart shaped pendant that set him back about $200.
But it’s the first real gift he’s ever bought me and it made me happy to think he’s turning a new leaf and finally being supportive right when I need him.
Well about four hours ago he texted me to say he’d quit his job in the city.
He said he was quitting so he could focus on his mental health and getting better so he could treat himself, me and his kids better. He said he wants some time to find himself.
Well that’s a lovely sentiment but it also means that as he is now unemployed he no longer has to pay me any child support once the baby is born.
So financially I’m doing this on my own now. What great timing to find this out!
And those contractions just keep on coming. I may have to go up to the hospital soon.
Hooray! I’m having so much fun…