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A quick update

I’m still here. Still pregnant. Still chugging along quite nicely.

I haven’t had time to blog because most of my days are consumed with counting my new stretch marks. They appear faster than I can count them.

No…not really.

(But seriously though stretch marks are a curse and a plague. All those bitches who didn’t get stretch marks can take a hike.)

The real reason I haven’t been blogging is mainly work related. My boss is away for 6 weeks and I’ve been temporarily promoted into her role. It means much longer hours at work and much busier tasks because I’m doing her role, plus my own at the same time.

I’m loving that they trust me to do this role at 34 weeks pregnant. But also terrified that I’m doing this at 34 weeks pregnant.

That, coupled with the fact I’m still not sleeping great at night. The baby has turned breech and her gigantic boof head is permanently lodged under my ribcage on my upper right side. Her favourite thing to do right now is put her hands above her head and dig into my ribs. She’s a violent little bugger…

If you remember I had gall bladder problems around 7 weeks pregnant and had to go to hospital. Well now she’s pushing up against my stomach and gall bladder day and night and I’m in constant pain. Particularly when I eat. Yay!

My doctor is getting a bit concerned and says I’m having regular gall bladder attacks now. They’re monitoring the situation as they can’t remove my gall bladder until the baby has been evicted from her stretch marked palace.

In other news, I want to thank those of you who gave me advice about the whooping cough booster. I did further research, thought long and hard, and then decided to get my shot a few weeks ago.

I was completely paranoid  for the first few days after I received the shot, but now I’m very happy with my decision and feeling confident that fatso will have some of my vaccine protection when she’s born.

Speaking of being born, I went to the bathroom yesterday (as I tend to do 100 times a day) and when I wiped I noticed what looked like a giant piece of snot on the toilet paper.

I called my mother into the bathroom, told her I had something extremely gross to show her, and asked her if she thought part of my mucus plug had fallen out.

“Oh I wouldn’t know.” said my mother. “I never had a mucus plug with any of my pregnancies.”

For a moment I just looked at her like she’d grown a second head, and she looked back at me like I was silly.

“You…had a mucus plug…” I said slowly. “Every pregnant woman has a mucus plug.”

“No. Not me.” she replied confidently.

“Maybe you’ve just forgotten?” I suggested.

“No.” she said adamantly. “I never had them. Never. They’re a new thing.”

“You did, Mum.” I insisted. “They’re not a new thing. They aren’t artificially added to pregnancies through some sort of medicinal technological advancement. They’re just…there. For every woman. For every pregnancy. It stops bacteria getting into the uterus.”

“Oh well if you say so.” she shrugged. “But if I had one, I never saw it.”

Is she right here? Or am I right? Or am I crazy? Or what?

I mean maybe she just never saw her plugs? That’s possible right? Maybe she didn’t have a bloody show and didn’t lose the plugs until she was in labour?

Anyway…moving right along to something even more gross than mucus plugs…

Two boys have asked me out in the past two weeks.

Am I the only person really sickened by this?

I mean what are these guys thinking? I’m massively pregnant and neither of them know the full situation with James.

I was warned about this. I was warned that some guys are just into pregnant girls. I didn’t believe it was true until now.

One of them told me I was a MILF and he meant it in the very literal sense of the acronym. I mean that’s just…creepy.

The other told me I’m a total babe and he’d love to take me out to dinner.

Ew. No. Go away. Never come near me again.

To be honest things are going much, much better with James. I’ll properly update on that situation soon but for the most part since he moved back to the city we have stopped fighting, our communication is heaps better and he’s much more supportive.

I’d say we’re back in a very friendly place. Not a place where I’m looking to reconcile with him, but a place where we can co-exist happily as friends.

He has even started sending me money to help out with my bills. Not a huge amount of money, but anything is more than nothing. He’s given me $600 so far. Nothing compared to the thousands I’ve spent, but at least he’s making an effort.

He also sat through eight hours of antenatal classes with me a couple of weeks ago. That’s a whole lot of hours for a guy who refused to even pay attention to my 20 minute nuchal scan a few short months ago. I know his behaviour tends to change rapidly, but I’d say at the moment he gets an A+ for attitude improvement.

When I told him these guys had asked me out he got super angry and said he wanted to drive to Paradise and kick their asses for trying to date me while I’m a month away from giving birth to his child. And I totally get where he’s coming from. That would make me mad too.

Thankfully I diffused the situation and there was no ass kicking involved. Particularly as I stressed I wasn’t interested in dating anybody at this time, or any time in the near future. Because…gross.

And that’s pretty much it for this post.

Lots more to talk about but my lunch break at work is over and I’ve got about 100 things to do before the day is over.

Hopefully update soon!

Sadie xx

p.s I got some professional maternity photos taken last week and I’m seriously in love with them. Is there a way I can post them privately and you guys still see them? I don’t want the whole of the internet to see them but happy for my followers to catch a glimpse of my face without the protective heart sticker haha.

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What is wrong with people?

About half an hour ago I filled up my car with fuel and then walked inside to pay.

“WOW!” said the lady behind the counter as soon as I entered through the automatic doors. “YOU ARE HUGE!”

“Um…” I replied, glancing around to see if anyone else was also inside.

Thankfully we were alone.

“Are you due this weekend? Easter baby?” the lady asked.

“No. I have six weeks left.” I said.

I actually have eight weeks left but I didn’t have the guts to tell her that.

“WOW!” She gasped again. “SIX WEEKS! You must have a huge baby in there!”

At this point in the conversation I was starting to feel really shit about myself but honestly didn’t have the strength to say so. My back was killing me and I was tired from a 10 hour work day and I didn’t want to deal with conflict.

“They’re guessing she will be around 10 pounds.” I muttered.

“Stand back from the counter so I can take a good look at you!” she instructed me.

For some unknown reason I actually complied with her request and stepped back for her to appraise me. I felt like a caged zoo animal.

“I just can’t believe how huge you are!” she gushed. “Is this your first baby?”

“Yes.” I replied meekly.

“Oh you poor thing!” she then sympathized. “You poor, poor girl you’re so small how are you going to manage to push that giant baby out?”

After that, much to my relief, she put the transaction through on the cash register and I was able to leave.

As I was walking out, she called out to me again.

“My prediction is that your baby will be born this weekend! You’re just too big for the bub to stay in six more weeks!”

Yeah…thanks lady…

Honestly I’m not upset I’m just a bit shocked that people seem to think it’s totally okay to say whatever they want to pregnant women. It’s happening to me every other day now.

Like everyone is entitled to their own opinion about my baby, especially complete strangers.

In other news…four day Easter weekend just started!

I have a date with my bed. We’re about to enter into a serious long term commitment. I may sleep for days. Pure bliss. Just me and my huge stomach…

Sadie xx

The baby shower!

So I had my baby shower on the weekend.

That’s actually really weird for me to say because I never, ever thought I would have a baby shower.

I mean I never thought I would have a baby. I still don’t, if I’m honest with you. I’m still waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Even when my baby shower invitations were ordered and then sent out to people, it still didn’t feel like a tangible thing. It felt like someone else’s life. I kept on worrying that somehow having a baby shower would bring me bad luck.

I also felt really bad asking people to bring me gifts, so I put on the invitations that presents weren’t necessary. I know the gifts are for the baby, but I’m not the kind of person who likes people to go out of their way for me or fuss over me. I don’t feel comfortable as the centre of attention.
 
Not to mention the fact that I stressed for weeks in the lead up to the event that hardly anybody would turn up.
 
For basically 10 years I belonged to the same group of friends, and Doug got custody of them in our divorce. I haven’t even seen any of them since the day we split and I don’t think they even know where I live nowadays let alone that I’m pregnant. So obviously none of them were invited to my shower.
 
20 months ago when Doug left me (has it actually been that long?!) I was lucky enough to make a new group of friends in the city. Just as I was starting to really become ingratiated in that little clique, I up and moved to Paradise. For the most part I tried to stay in touch with my city friends, but it just wasn’t the same.
 
Then I had just started making some new friendships here in Paradise when I fell pregnant, went through the emotional hell that I’ve previously documented on my blog and basically became a social hermit.

Not to mention my three closest friends are all males so they couldn’t be invited because it was a girls-only event.

Plus the fact that some of my “close” friends had reacted really badly when I announced I was pregnant 12 weeks ago and had refused to congratulate me.
 
Basically, because I felt like I didn’t have any super close girlfriends left in either the city or Paradise I was getting chest pain anxiety that my mother and I would be sitting alone at my baby shower surrounded by uneaten cupcakes and cucumber sandwiches.
 
It didn’t help that a whole swag of people never bothered to RSVP to the invites I sent out, and of those who did respond, five pulled out in the few days before the baby shower.

My mother spent a week in the lead-up to the event slaving away organising decorations, planning games, baking cookies and cakes and making so much food it could feed an army. I kept on begging her not to put in so much effort in case nobody showed up.

On the morning of my baby shower, I stupidly weighed myself. I was officially up 17kg (37 pounds) on my pre-pregnancy weight. I was absolutely appalled and devastated and ashamed and every other negative adjective you can think of.

Although to be honest I’m pretty sure each of my breasts weighs 3kg each at the moment because they’re hard and heavy like rocks.

This is the part where I shamefully admit that I wore pregnancy spanx under my baby shower dress to smooth my lumps and bumps. No, I didn’t know they made pregnancy spanx either. But it turns out that they do! And I love them.

I may even marry them. After I’ve married my pregnancy pillow. Yes I will be in a polygamous marriage with my spanx and my pregnancy pillow. That’s not unusual at all, right? 

Anyway, I got myself all ready for the baby shower – still expecting nobody to show up – and did my hair all pretty. Then I stepped outside and realised it was 34 degrees (93F) outside and there was no way I was going to cope in the heat with my hair down. My makeup was basically melting off my face.

At that point, my cousin Phoebe turned up so she took me back into my bathroom and did my hair for me so it still looked pretty but was up off my neck. I was extremely grateful.

Then the doorbell started ringing.

At first it was just my family – my aunt, some cousins, my grandmother.

Then suddenly I couldn’t even get the front door shut because girls kept turning up so rapidly. Fourteen of the people who turned up had even driven two hours from the city to be there!

In the end I had 27 family members and girlfriends attend the baby shower, which was completely above and beyond anything I had ever expected. I mean we didn’t even have enough chairs for everybody! Luckily my mother had organised all that food because it was certainly needed.

The other thing that shocked me was that every single person who walked through that door was carrying a gift. I had specifically printed on the invitation not to bring me anything, but they’d gone ahead and bought gifts anyway.

I’d left a little space on a side table in the kitchen in case a few people turned up with something small. But the gifts overtook the whole table and then spilled onto the floor and were just everywhere. Honestly I was completely overwhelmed and didn’t know how to even react.

From that point onward everything was pretty chaotic. I didn’t get to sit down or eat anything because every 15 seconds someone else called my name and wanted to talk to me.

Girls wanted tours of the nursery, everyone wanted to touch my belly, everyone wanted photos. I got some amazing photos and I’m so sad I can’t share them with you. I’ll be weird and just post a few with faces covered.

There were a few glitchy moments during the afternoon…

James’ mother, stepmother and sister all turned up for the event – which I was very grateful for.

But there was a giant card by the front door for people to sign their well wishes for the baby. Every single person wrote “To Sadie…” and then left a nice message.

The three of them were the only ones who wrote “To James and Sadie…” which I felt was very passive aggressive. Especially as they are completely aware of the situation and the way James has treated me in the past.

I mean James wasn’t at the baby shower and had specifically said he’d rather die than attend because it didn’t interest him. So why include him?! In a weird way I almost felt like it ruined the card because now his name is stuck on it forever.

The other weird moment was when everyone was sitting out on the back patio chatting happily, when James’ stepmother suddenly says “Oh Sadie have I told you the latest news on my granddaughter?”

James’ stepsister has a 10 month old baby who is severely disabled. She has microcephaly, is blind, deaf, mute and unable to even cry, amongst other health problems. She basically lives in the hospital and has a very poor prognosis.

This has caused me immense stress during my pregnancy, because none of her health issues were picked up in-utero. As a first time mum who already has quite serious anxiety, the idea that something similar could be wrong with my own baby is very frightening.

James had specifically told his stepmother on multiple occasions not to raise the subject of the disabled baby around me because it was causing me to have panic attacks. Not to say that I don’t care because I really do, just that I can’t cope with the horrible news at the moment. It sets me off into a panic.

But she sat there at the table, surrounded by my friends and family and gave me a full report on the baby’s prognosis. Talking about a dying baby at a baby shower isn’t overly appropriate and made me feel kind of sick to my stomach.

Other than that, the whole day was wonderful.

I received some amazing gifts which I was so grateful for.

My aunt gave me a tiny silver baby bracelet with a little diamond encrusted baby charm on it. I have no idea why my kid needs a fancy diamond encrusted bracelet but now she has one hahaha.

One of my newer friends from Paradise brought me a huge gift bag full of books for the baby. I’m so excited to read to her and have been keeping all my own childhood books for her, but now she will have her own new books too. I was so happy I almost cried.

I received a few toys – some rattles, stuffed toys and some of those fancy light up singing educational toys that I know babies love. She was also given one of those play mats for newborns that have the toys hanging above them. What are they called? Play gyms?

Ummmm…heaps of baby wipes, nappies, baby shampoo, nappy balm, lotions, some gift cards, clothes, hats, beanies, socks, mittens, wash cloths. Honestly there was so much stuff I can’t even recall most of it.

One of my friends gave me some candles and bath salts to pamper myself too because she wanted me to have my own little gift and not just stuff for the baby. I thought that was very sweet. She also gave me a whole heap of chocolates to pack into my hospital bag – clearly she knows me very well haha.

Oh and my brother’s girlfriend gave me a gift on behalf of both of them: the Bright Starts Ingenuity Baby Swing (click for here more info) which I really badly wanted but couldn’t afford and also some money in a card to buy a charlichair (also click for more info) which was the other thing at the top of my list. In no way did I ever expect anyone to be so generous.

I’m so excited that my brother is so excited to become an uncle. Particularly as his initial reaction to my pregnancy was negative and he blurted out that I’d made a huge mistake. I’m close with my brother and so glad he’s now fully on board.

But anyway.

The point is my baby shower was an amazing day. It was surreal and wonderful.

For the first time in my whole pregnancy I felt truly loved and supported instead of stressed and isolated.

I will be forever grateful to my mother for hosting such a lovely afternoon for me and I’m so glad everything went so smoothly.

Now for the photos with the weird blurred out faces!

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This is me at 31 weeks pregnant. Can you say huuuuuge mama? Not just a huge bump but the fact I’m carrying 17 extra kilograms!

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The hairstyle my cousin Phoebe jazzed up for me – complete with a fresh flower.

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The backyard all set up for the event (obviously before everyone arrived…)

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Just a small sample of the decorations. My mother did that bunting by hand!

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Some of the cakes and cookies my mum baked. My biggest regret is everyone eating the food before I could take photos of it – particularly the cakes!

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More food…

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My mum even created a weird fruit baby hahaha!

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My littlest baby thorougly enjoyed being passed around and cuddled by 27 adoring women.

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Opening just a few of my gifts and trying not to blubber because I was so grateful.

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This is my friend who said Rachel was a yuk name so if your name is Rachel feel free to send bad vibes her way hahaha (no I’m kidding don’t actually do that…).

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My brother’s girlfriend – the one who gave me the amazing baby swing. We sent this photo to him and told him that babies are catching. He was horrified!

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This is James’ sister. I am 31 weeks pregnant in this photo and she is 29 weeks pregnant. Can you see now why I am so self conscious about my body? And never mind my chicken vagina – she proudly announced on Facebook she has zero stretchmarks at all. *Sigh*

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My lovely mum who made the whole day possible. Don’t ask me why I look so rotund in this photo I think it’s just a bad angle..

I wish I could share heaps more photos with you guys but they all have too many faces in them to block out.

So you’ll just have to take my word for it that the day was very special and I’m a very happy mama-to-be.

Sadie xx

 

Why I’m keeping my kid’s name a secret…

Exhibit A:

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(I guess it’s a good thing her name isn’t Rachel)

Straight after I received this message, the same friend messaged again to guess the name was Bethany. Then followed up with “no scrap Bethany it’s gross and old” so I suppose it’s also a good thing her name isn’t Bethany.

Surprisingly, this friend isn’t allowed any more guesses… 

I have a short legged baby…

I had my 30 week appointment today (even though I’ve just ticked over to 31 weeks).

As usual, I am measuring 2 weeks ahead.

Fundal height is 33 weeks. Baby’s head is measuring 33 weeks. Baby’s torso is 33 weeks. But baby’s legs are 30 weeks.
Baby’s legs were at 29 weeks at my last appointment 2 weeks ago. So legs have had 1 week of growth in a fortnight.

The doctor measured 3 times just to be sure and got 30 weeks for the femurs each time.

He said not to be worried. But…I mean…it’s me…so I am worried.

I know short femurs is a soft marker for down syndrome. But my Harmony test came back at less than 1 in 10,000 risk and my nuchal scan was less than 1 in 15,000 risk.

So what’s the deal here? Should I be worried about dwarfism?

My doctor says maybe she is just short. He said he will measure her again at 36 weeks and not to think about it until then.

I’m 5’4 but my dad and brother are both over 6 foot. James is 6’3, both his parents are tall and his sister is even 6 foot. What are the chances of me having a short kid?!

I am freaking out here you guys and imagining a tiny legged kid with a huge head.

What DEFCON level should I be at here?? Because I’m not going to lie I’m probably sitting at DEFCON 3 right now but will happily slide into DEFCON 2 if you tell me to.

My no-complaints pregnancy

All the years I was going through the fresh hell that is IVF, I swore over and over that if I ever managed to fall pregnant and stay pregnant I’d never once complain. Not a single complaint.

So everything in this blog post is what I would say if I were able to complain. But I can’t complain so I won’t.

I’m merely just listing out the following complaints as an example of how not to behave when you’re experiencing a miracle pregnancy…..
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We need to talk about toothpaste

Look I’ve just noticed that for the past few weeks a whole lot of people are reaching my blog when they search for information about an alleged toothpaste pregnancy test.

First of all I have zero idea how y’all are finding my blog through such a search because I’ve never written anything about using toothpaste. Nor will I ever.

Except for this post. I’m writing about it in this post. But this post doesn’t count!

Secondly I didn’t even know what a toothpaste pregnancy test was. I honestly had to google it.

Now that I know what it is…can I just say…it is silly.

The toothpaste pregnancy test looks about as accurate as using Drano or baking soda and mixing it with pee to determine the gender of your unborn child.

In other words not accurate at all! And frankly quite stupid.

Toothpaste isn’t designed to test for pregnancy, it’s designed to keep your pearly whites cavity free and your mouth smelling minty fresh.

For the love of God toothpaste isn’t meant to be peed on. Ladies…step away from the toothpaste if you feel the urge to pee.

Unless you want your urine cavity free and smelling minty fresh, in which case please proceed.

You guys realise you can just go to a dollar store and buy a cheapie pregnancy test that’s going to be substantially more accurate than toothpaste.

That may mean you get a proper result sooner, and access medical care earlier in your pregnancy which benefits both you and your baby in the long run.

So that’s it.

A public service announcement from Sadie.

Toothpaste and urine both go on sticks – but different sticks.

Keep toothpaste for toothbrushes and pee for pregnancy tests.

And stay classy mmmkay.

Sadie xx